COMMUNICATING THROUGH CLOTHES

We express ourselves through personal style - but does personal style mean showing our personality at any given moment? And on the other hand, how do we conceal our personality through clothes?

If you’re a person whose identity is tied closely to the way they dress and their pieces of clothing, you might have had some thoughts on communicating through your clothes, too.
Here are three main ideas that I have come across recently, that have given me relief, clarity and food for thought.

PROLOGUE: THE BOY ON THE TUBE

Last Thursday after my workout class, it started to rain heavily. It poured. So I left the building and was grateful for my raincoat. I ran to the next train station and had to wait seven long minutes until the tube arrived. When it appeared and I made space on the side walk for anyone to exit the vehicle, a boy stood opposite of me - also waiting for passengers to get off. He was maybe in his early twenties, dressed in the most stunning black oversized wool coat, a beige turtleneck, black suit pants and black and white loafers. We exchanged looks as if to say ‘I’ve noticed you, whoever gets into the train first, gets in first’. He took a seat two rows in front of me, on the left side to where I sat down.

The loafers he wore were insanely good.

And in that moment, a sudden sadness hit me. I looked down at my fully wet, very old H&M gym set, my New Balance sneakers and my draining puffer rain coat. My Uniqlo bum bag fell loosely around my chest and my face was the color of a freshly cooked lobster. My appearance didn’t give away anything other than the fact that I’ve been to a work out class.

And while that was exactly what I needed to be dressed for, I was deeply sad I couldn’t have silently spoken to the guy with one of my everyday outfits that maybe would have talked to him. And it would have said ‘hi, I love your style and I have the same taste as you. We’re in the same style tribe. We speak the same language.'

CLOTHES AS A SUBSTITUTION FOR COMMUNICATION

Later that week, I listened to an episode on personal style from the Who What Wear podcast again.

Heather

Hurst - as she does - said some very wise things in her part of the interview.

Among other things, she pointed out*:

‘(…) I also think it’s very personality-driven. I’m very shy. Growing up, aesthetics were a way to communicate with people without actually having to communicate. So I became sort of obsessed with the idea of finding the perfect shell or fassade that would communicate with people before I had to actually communicate. And then growing up you obviously learn that, no, you actually do have to talk to people, and you can’t just dress in a way that does all of that for you. And there are just some things about our personalities that don’t have to be reflected in the way that we dress.. it’s only a small part of who we are as people. Because I think for so long in my life I had a preoccupation with being misunderstood which is why I wanted my clothes to project so outwardly.
Now, when I get dressed I think more of how is this communicating with myself. (…)’.

This, let’s call it ‘deeper explanation of personal style’ has been living rent-free in my head ever since. I’ve been listening to the episode before but this time, it stuck. This describes one of my major problems with getting dressed in the most precise way. I am very obsessed with the idea of mirroring my personality in my wardrobe to show to the outside world that I often forget to communicate with myself first.

Listen to the entire episode here:

CLOTHES AS A COVERAGE FOR EXTROVERTED INTROVERTS

This leads me to another thought I had while putting together my Style Notes interview with

OFELIA

. When I asked her which parts of her personality wasn’t reflected as much in her wardrobe, she said that she can be very silly round people she knows well.

An extract from my interview with OFELIA

Débora Rosa said the same thing when I asked her in my interview:

From my Style Notes interview with Débora

I find that a lot of well-dressed people belong to a group you might want to call extroverted introverts. And I’d describe myself as one, too. I can be extremely shy but when I’m in an environment I feel great in, I am an extremely outward person.

A similar thing was said about Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy. She was said to be very funny, loud and outgoing while her wardrobe was so minimal and rather giving away an impression of having her life together. I’ve heard this fact about CBK on The Good Buy podcast with Lauren Santo-Domingo.

COMMUNICATION THROUGH CLOTHES

These three ideas made me think about my own wardrobe in a communication context. I resonated heavily with Heather’s statement of have quite an obsession with wanting to substitute communication through clothes and with that having an appearance that reflects my personality and anything in my life to the fullest. I came to the conclusion that this was, however, an unreachable goal. And not a necessity whatsoever.

Plus, I like the idea of concealing different aspects in your life, like putting on a good outfit on a bad day, or hiding the fact that your actually really funny.

What are your thoughts on communicating through clothes? Do you use it as a tool? Do you use it as a coverage method? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

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*The podcast interview was transcribed by me and might contain inaccurancies.

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